I am gregarious…interested in others. and I think intelligent…
All I ask is to get to know people and… my problem is how am i suppose to have them interested in knowing me.
living close to another individual…always around them talking laughing But I remain invisible… lonely even more when i’m around…
« Don’t pretend for a minute,as you look at me that I’m not as alive as you are and I do not suffer from the category to which you are forcing me…you don’t know me …. »
This is me every time i’m around them … closed lips and so much saying ….
I curse all the time in silence … even worst i kill people in my mind … i watch their blood coming out of ther mouths when i stick a knife in their chest… I’ve never admetted that i’m vilonte inside…. I hate when some bastard flirts with me and starts touching my arm…or worst trying to « friendly » hug me…. Did i tell him to STOP?? NO… But i’ve killed him in my mind…
Even my EX didn’t know me well… i think i haven’t talk to him …Sure i’ve said stuff but stuff he wanted to hear….I think stripped down I look more attractive than him But I am intellectually and socially obsolete.
And he is not.
I haven’t say that outloud … as a fiminist i should have said what i want …
I have a capacity now for taking people as they are… which I ve learned at an early age.
I ve never reached orgasm … i know from my readings and my studies that women achieve orgasm by stimulating the clitoris…
i know nothing about my clitoris …i discovered him or her or it 2 years ago …
and it’s a nasty story ..
we have weird relationship…i call it « a small penis » … i’ve studied anatomy … and i know as a sientific feminist it’s the same … as the male penis…
So yeah i think i’m a man and a woman…both ?? No… but i can’t find a diffrence …
I don’t know how to please…well i havn’t try …yet … but somehow i know that i can …
I thing feminists over appreciate orgasm …
i thing woman’s orgasm is his..i mean how to make him loose his mind … if he talks during sex … breaths in your ear making that sound …that sound… feeling his heat in top of your breast … goes insane …how he looses controle … his tears of joy …
i’m maybe not a feminist … maybe i’m explaining myself to myself because my self thinks i’m an relationship failure …And i don’t want to be … so let’s make him happy…
I do love men … Yet I do not even dare show any man…that I find him attractive…If I do so, he may react as if I had insulted him…
at the same time what If i told him to stop would he feels insulted??
What about me feeling insulted?? Why i always take the blame?? why i think i’m the mistake in any relationship?? Why he keeps judging me as if my only duty is to fulfill his need accept his mistakes being kind silent helpful!!!
being NUMB!!
If that’s a woman i hate to be one …
well who cares after all I am supposed to fulfill my small functions and vanish… Feminist or not … i’m a woman … and woman means having all contradictory ideas and live with it….
A Woman's Blog 